One - [Voice]

[most-epic-troll.livejournal.com]

[And suddenly, there's a slow, deep, gravelly voice.]

Er... dis is Sergeant Detritus of der Ankh-Morpork City Watch. I hear dat rank does not mean much in Confoo- Confoodoh- dis place, an' since I am an Agent-wif-a-capital-A, just call me Detritus. I am livin' in room four-oh-five, an'...

[Detritus trails off. There's the sound of something big and heavy shuffling around. When he speaks up again, it's slightly muffled.]

'Scuse me, where's the imp in dis fing?

[The answering voice- probably a clerk or some such- is barely audible and sounds much like the grown-ups from Peanuts.]

There's no imp? How can people on the uvver end of dis fing hear what I am sayin' if there's no imp carryin' the message?

[Mwah, MWAH mwah mwah?, says the clerk.]

...

[Mwah?]

So you are sayin' dat I am havin' to put the imp into dis Gooseberry myself?

[... mwaaaaagh!]

Comments

[am177.livejournal.com]

The rules here say we can't tell anyone unless they find their own portal. They were very particular about that, and they have some very good reasons for it. Just think of it like you're one of the Cable Street boys. Secret police for secret crimes.

As for all the other agents-with-a-capital-A around here, I'm still working on which ones we can really trust to know how policing is all about.

[most-epic-troll.livejournal.com]

... I was wonderin' about dat, sir. Thought maybe der reason I was der only one comin' was because you had a plan, all quiet-like.

[He mulls over that last bit. Before carefully saying:] All the people I talked to so far, dey seemed kinda young.

[am177.livejournal.com]

More and more of the world is seeming too bloody young. Still, you do the job that's in front of you.

[most-epic-troll.livejournal.com]

[Detritus grunts.] True enough, dat.

Oh, an' all of dem are foreign, too. Dat normal around here?

[am177.livejournal.com]

That it is. But when you really think about it, would you want someone from Ankh-Morpork watching your back?

[most-epic-troll.livejournal.com]

Only if dey're Watchmen, sir.

... I am not havin' a problem wif the foreign part, but none of dem have ever seen or heard of a troll before.

[am177.livejournal.com]

Then that makes it our job to educate them of Our Rich Cultural Heritage. Not your fault they come from some backwater that hasn't even heard of trolls.

[most-epic-troll.livejournal.com]

Yessir. Dem foreign trolls, mebbe dey just haven't come down from dem mountains yet.

[am177.livejournal.com]

Could be, Detritus, could be.