Second Case

[am177.livejournal.com]

[Not posted, per se, just Vimes muttering to himself as he stalks back from the gate to Discworld.]

Get some water from the Ankh. Get some water from the Ankh. They go on about how we're protecting the universe from mashing together into one big stew pot, and now they're sending me to get water from the river. This is ridiculous. I can't even imagine why you'd want Ankh river water.

Comments

[soylent-genki.livejournal.com]

*overheard*

Maybe someone thinks the river's holy? Like the Ganges in India?

[am177.livejournal.com]

Ha! Holy, sure. Holy in that if you throw rocks in it, it leaves holes!

[soylent-genki.livejournal.com]

Actually, you could kind of say the same thing about the Ganges nowadays...

[am177.livejournal.com]

Remind me to stay away from the Ganges.

[soylent-genki.livejournal.com]

You know though...I'm kind of curious why Confuto wants this. Did you bring enough back that you could spare some?

[am177.livejournal.com]

They said to fill the bottle, but if you really want to, it's not hard to get some for yourself. Just don't fall in.

[soylent-genki.livejournal.com]

Hmm...

[d-drive-love.livejournal.com]

[Konata overhears and... kind of can't stop herself from repeating it out loud.] ... river water?

[am177.livejournal.com]

*Vimes holds up a glass bottle. It is half full of some sort of disgusting, greenish-brown sludge.*

No river like it in the world, and that's probably for the best.

[d-drive-love.livejournal.com]

Wh- THAT'S water? I thought you'd bottled a decaying Poring or something!

[am177.livejournal.com]

Well, presumedly that why the alchemists or whoever wanted to see it: to figure out if it's actually water.

[d-drive-love.livejournal.com]

... you know, when I saw that job listing, I just KNEW that it looked too good to be true. Do you automatically lose a life when you fall in?

HTML fail

[am177.livejournal.com]

She must have meant "do you lose your life".

As long as you didn't fall in too far from shore, it's thick enough that you should be able to walk a back before you start to sink. That said, you'll still probably want to rinse yourself off a time or three afterwards.

[d-drive-love.livejournal.com]

... wow. Is ALL of Discworld that polluted?

[am177.livejournal.com]

Haven't seen it all, but from what I hear, no.

[d-drive-love.livejournal.com]

... huh. Well, the people here COULD try to use this water for biological warfare, but...

[herbrotherslove.livejournal.com]

That . . . is water, sir? Interesting.

[am177.livejournal.com]

Yesss....You certainly could aruge that this is water. It flows in a river, at least, and fish live in it, although they don't so much swim as they do dig.

[herbrotherslove.livejournal.com]

Perhaps that is precisely what is so interesting about it.

[am177.livejournal.com]

To me that doesn't say "interesting" so much as "disgusting".

[herbrotherslove.livejournal.com]

Still, if this 'water' can still manage to support life, it must have some sort of supernatural property.

[am177.livejournal.com]

I have heard the argument that anything with THAT much life in it can't be unhealthy.

I think that has some logical holes in it, though.

[herbrotherslove.livejournal.com]

. . . It can't be unhealthy for anything that lives in it, no. Sadly, I'm not sure we would fare as well if we attempted consumption. Or well. Even touching it.

I'm surprised it hasn't dissolved the bottle.

[am177.livejournal.com]

You know, so am I.

[herbrotherslove.livejournal.com]

. . . You should probably get it to the bureau as soon as possible, sir.

[am177.livejournal.com]

Don't have to tell me twice. *He strides off with the bottle*

Bah, didn't want reply

[willavatar4item.livejournal.com]

That's water!?

[am177.livejournal.com]

Arguably.

[becomethesniper.livejournal.com]

*happens to be checking out the gate room to familiarize himself with it*

They sent an Enforcer just to get water?

[am177.livejournal.com]

I think it was more of sending a native who wouldn't stick out like a sore thumb to get water.

1/2

[becomethesniper.livejournal.com]

Well, I can see where they're coming from if you put it like that, but wh--

2/2

[becomethesniper.livejournal.com]

*actually sees the bottle*

...That's supposed to be water?!

[am177.livejournal.com]

That's an awfully deep question for just before breakfast. Let's just say the Ankh is the only river in the world that you can draw a chalk outline on.

[becomethesniper.livejournal.com]

Damn...

Does anybody know how it got like that?

[am177.livejournal.com]

Picks up tons of silt while floating over the Sto plains, then passes through the city, and a million people in that small of a space are gonna make any river dirty.

[becomethesniper.livejournal.com]

No kidding. Makes me wonder what the higher-ups want with that water.

[am177.livejournal.com]

Who knows? If I want something with water it it, I use rain water.

[kyonko-narrates.livejournal.com]

If that is river water, maybe they're worried about it causing the universe to get mixed up.

[am177.livejournal.com]

That wouldn't really make it that unusual in Ankh-Morpork.

[kyonko-narrates.livejournal.com]

Really? That's normal for river water there?

[am177.livejournal.com]

Well, in the spring it grows flowers sometimes, and in the summer it's known to emit enough fumes that it can catch fire. I meant more of there are lots of things in the city that can get the universe mixed up.

[kyonko-narrates.livejournal.com]

....Are you serious?