ITP: LOOK! IT'S A 2011 TOYOTA DIVERSION!!!

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

[SUDDENLY, FROM THE PDA bright and cheerful music blares forth!]



[And when people scramble for their PDAs to turn off that infernal racket, they'll see Kyoko on screen in a frilly number practically right out of a recently popular magical girl show with a huge grin on her face and a projector screen. The music cuts out as she begins to speak, waving a sign with a heart on it in hello.]

Hihihi! And welcome to Kyoko's XY Revue where I take the hottest guys in Division 0134 and rate their outstanding characteristics! Today you're all in for a very special treat as I've managed to spot ten--that's right ten--of the hottest men in the division and then some!

So! To get the ball rolling! Let's start off the evening with Aquarius!



Just look at that hair. How can you not love it? This guy here can be often seen in the mech hangar and, damn, is he good to look at! Let's take it to the stat page and see how he holds up!

Face: 6.7
Butt: 7.8
Body: 7.6
Smile: 4.2
Eyes: 7.5
Hair: 10!!!!

Not bad. Not bad. But is it enough to face the competition?

Which takes us to Feefee!



Feefee's a garden variety lawyer from World-AA, but as you can see, it's a very exceptional garden! He enjoys long walks on the beach, long conversation, and shouting OBJECTION at the top of his lungs! Let's see how his stats hold up!

Face: 8.4
Butt: 10!!!!
Body: 9.5
Smile: 6.8
Eyes: 7.3
Hair: 8.6

OH-EM-GEE! OUR NEXT GUY IS HAT MAN!



Seriously. Just look at that hat. Now back to me. Now back at the hat. Now look at the stats!

Face: 10!
Butt: 5.4
Body: 7.6
Smile: 8.7
Eyes: 6.7
Hair: N/A. THE HAT DISTRACTS TOO MUCH!!!

Next up, one of my personal favorites, is Mr. Premature Gray!



He might be going gray, but he's looking fine and pulling off the classic 'adorkable' look that gets all the people interested in humanoid men going and gearing for action!

Face: 9.0
Butt: 10!!!!!
Body: 7.8
Smile: 7.5
Eyes: 8.6
Hair: 6.7

And we're on to Princess!


One of our many resident prettyboys, don't let his grumpy face fool you! Inside we all know just what a sweet and gentle kitten this tiger can be! Rowr!

Face: 8.7
Butt: 9.8
Body: 7.6
Smile: N/A--never seen him smile!
Eyes: 10!!!!
Hair: 8.8

Heeeeere's Ricky!!



Do I even need to do a blurb for this guy? The picture speaks for itself!

Face: 10!!!
Butt: 8.6
Body: 9.7
Smile: 8.5
Eyes: 7.8
Hair: 10-10-10-10-DEAR WHICHEVER DEITY YOU BELIEVE IN 10!

Here's my good friend Smilesalot!



Nice guy who is always willing to go the distance for those he cares about. Of course it probably helps he'll say yes to almost anything! Especially when it comes to a certain group he's in. I hope you like smiles since he wears one all the time!

Smilesalot's ratings aaaaaare~

Face: 8.6
Butt: 7.8
Body: 5.9
Smile: 6.0
Eyes: 7.6
Hair: 9.9

Look out guys! Up next is Snow White!



Don't you just love a dashing mystery man in a nice hood? [Yes, Kyoko is fanning herself while she reads off the stats]

Face: 9.8 of what we can see!
Butt: N/A--haven't seen it!
Body: 9.6 of what I have seen!
Smile: 10!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
Eyes: N/A--haven't seen them!
Hair: N/A--haven't seen that either. [She makes a 'call me' gesture before moving on.]

Next up is Tall Man!



Tough competition after the last one, let me tell you!

Face: 10!
Butt: 8.8
Body: 8.4
Smile: 9.7
Eyes: 8.7
Hair: 5.4

Last but not least: we have Tats!



Tats is from World-SMTN and looking mighty fine with those glowing tattoos if I do say so myself! It certainly does set my heart a-flutter to see him passing in the halls. Especially with those eyes. Ah!

Here's his ratings:

Face: 7.5
Butt: 9.8
Body: 10!
Smile: 7.0
Eyes: 10!
Hair: 8.9

And, as a special treat, we're putting two distinguished guests up for review! Ladies, gentlemen, and others who are interested in humanoid males, may I present:


LEGS


and NECK

....

You know what? Just looking at these two and how they interact I can't decide which is hotter. Clearly, there is only one solution for this dilemma.

[She picks up a sign from off screen, that simply reads, in the same messy scrawl as the title card: "I ship it" complete with a crude but recognizable drawing of a little steamboat puffing out heart-shaped clouds.]

Well, that's all for tonight! You guys know where to find me if you want to discuss the ratings! Ciao!

[Except she knows better than to be in her room or her usual haunt by the fourth floor men's showers. Instead, she'll be in the library, giggling into her PDA and not doing a very good job of hiding out because of it.]

[OOC: Dear God please threadjack to your heart's content in this thing as I might wind up passing out in a couple hours. If such is the case I will resume tags when I get up tomorrow as it's my day off from work. Have fun~~~]

Comments

[wright-idea.livejournal.com]

WHAT

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

I think this episode speaks for itself!

[devilsphyscian.livejournal.com]

...What?

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

As I told Feefee. The episode speaks for itself!

[duo-death-god.livejournal.com]

Um...

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

You should've said "what?" then it would've been a hat trick!

[thoserookieeyes.livejournal.com]

... You shouldn't be so enthusiastic when you're giving half of these guys bad ratings in something, you know.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

And that would be because....?

*someone is also doing a public broadcast* 1/??

[bewitchingtales.livejournal.com]

Now let's rate nicknames!

Aquarius: Fancy, little mysterious, possibly pretentious too. I'd say it's a 6.

Feefee: Easy to remember, fun to say, 10!

Re: *someone is also doing a public broadcast* 2/??

[bewitchingtales.livejournal.com]

Hat Man! Is he a wreck or is he a plane, mysterious man hatman~ 8.

Mr. Premature Grey? Seriously, that's way too long ad unwieldy. 3!

Princess? It fits, he really does look like a Princess - 10!

Ricky? Ricky Sticky Ticky, Picky, it rhymes, and easy to remember - 8!

[variedmemory.livejournal.com]

['You know what? Now I feel like an amateur. Pfft--hahaha!']

Agreed. One true destined love of CO, right there.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

We should start a fanclub!

[kaze-no-tenkan.livejournal.com]

[Oh, hey, Luc has the same face as the picture she posted... he's not happy]

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

and here's the man himself!

[vicecommander.livejournal.com]

...Thank you, Kyoko. Today is truly a proud day for the professionalism of this division.

[sigh, why can he do nothing except smile.]

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

[BECAUSE. It's Koizumi. And she's being shallow here. It's putting a bunch of guys up on a pedestal for people to gawk at. Did Koizumi expect anything but shallow?]

Why thank you! I figured this would be a very need-to-know thing for the people of the division!

[mysteryboychaos.livejournal.com]

You know, Kyoko, this really isn't fair. I'm sure there's quite a few people who are feeling left out right now.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know, but I only have so much time to record something and save it. There's going to be future episodes, don't worry!

[grandtheftmecha.livejournal.com]

Now that you mention it... they'd be pretty hot together.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

As I told another girl who posted. We need to make a fanclub for it.

[zweilt-eon.livejournal.com]

Wh-what...?!

[Not that she's disagreeing with Akihiko (other than the lower points being too low)... but she's embarrassed that someone else is watching him]

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

The broadcast speaks for itself!

[dreamsofcity.livejournal.com]

Carter has at least managed to shed that Aperture Science coverall and take a loooonnnng bath. He's about to go to sleep when the music from his PDA pretty much guarantees he'll be awake for a week. GLAAAAHH.

While trying to figure out how to shut the damned thing off, he ends up looking at the actual broadcast. His demeanour slowly and economically rearranges itself from WTF SHUT IT OFF to WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN. The two eyes on the right side squint and one antenna quirks.

"..."

He has to ask, the poor thing. He just has to.

"Ship it where?"

Oh, Carter. He's so unhip we have no idea what attaches his legs to his spine.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

"Shipping is a slang term meaning you want to see two people get into a sexual relationship with each other."

Kyoko: bluntness for the sake of amusement since 2011.

[hot-engineer.livejournal.com]

"Oh gods, you realize everyone heard all that right? You could get in SO much trouble..."

That didn't stop Lucca from giggling along with everyone else moments before, however.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, and....?"

[recquiescat-in.livejournal.com]

I do not know whether I should be amused, flattered, or both.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

Both always works!

[Sorry, she doesn't recognize him without the hood. ;;]

[peachhat.livejournal.com]

I don't see how any of them got more than a 0.5? Maybe Souji, who could get a one? But seriously?

No, don't see it.

[punches-fog.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

[metrossity.livejournal.com]

"Oh, come ON. I'm much better looking than any of these yahoos. None of THEM have my striking azure hue, after all."

Smug alien is smug.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

"Well, I can't put all the good stuff in one episode, now can I? How do I keep people coming back if I do that?"

[naoki-kashima.livejournal.com]

[Since Naoki is busy with a mission, it's up to the demons he left behind to collect upcoming news...Sadly, one of the was Lilim.]

Wow, you did quite an amazing job if I do say so myself! Such a shame Naoki is missing all this action. He could really use the pick-me up!

Mmmm, such a nice selection of guys too...Are they all taken though?

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't know. This was an episode about looks, not availability, so you'd have to ask them if you want a date.

DIBS ON SNOW WHITE!!

[punches-fog.livejournal.com]

...*sigh*

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

[BIG GRIN]

[anemos-enigma.livejournal.com]

Is this really the image we want to present to our, ah. Esteemed inspectors...?

Also, you really shouldn't be looking at people's behinds . . .

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

Why not?

[cockpitfairy.livejournal.com]

[....

B|

Shoutarou, your roommate will help you kill her in her sleep if you want. On principle. Also before she gets to him.]

[halfboiledjoker.livejournal.com]

[No, don't worry about it, it's Kyoko, after all.]

[halfboiledjoker.livejournal.com]

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

Hi Hat Man!

[the-overseers.livejournal.com]

What th-- Do I need to file a sexual harassment charge?!

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

[VICTOLY! She'd do a little dance if she wasn't trying not-very-hard to hide from them.]

Hey! It's Legs himself! Hi, Legs!

[evokesdeath.livejournal.com]

Akihiko-senpai trains. I think he should get a higher score on the Bod--

> Do you realize how that sounds?

...Nevermind.

[kyoko-flirts.livejournal.com]

Well, I've never seen him without the cute sweater, so I can't give him a better score until I see it!

[lief-of-del.livejournal.com]

[Lief don't know what to say except for:] ...What?